


the sun has set

by tensyixing



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Ocean, Stargazing, Sun & Moon, Waves, i dont even know, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-09 11:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17405969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tensyixing/pseuds/tensyixing
Summary: to help his friend out, mark logs into an app and starts texting with strangers who need help. he gets connected with donghyuck. all he has to do is calm the younger down if he isn't alright.so the plan.but the universe had other plans for them.





	the sun has set

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi! i thought it would be important to mention that this is my first work and english isn't my first language, so there might be mistakes.  
> the dates and timestamps are important to the story and there are chats, so it's kinda a chatfic too.
> 
> i hope you'll like it!

_01:05am, February 8th:_

 

As I sat up, rubbing my tired eyes, I let out a big sigh. I had napped for two hours but those pathetic hours were nothing compared to the eighteen I hadn't slept the day before. My body wasn't able to sleep more than three hours, apparently. 

I reached for my phone which was laying on the small table next to my bed, checking if I got any messages. 

_four messages from lele_

_two messages from sungie_

I sighed again, now throwing my body back, facing the ceiling.

 

 **lele, 00:00:** hey markkk can u help a friend outttt

 **lele, 00:01:** DoN'T WoRry it'S noThing toO hard

 **lele, 00:16:** PleASe text me bacK soon :(((

 **lele, 00:16:** loVE YOU 

 **markleeiguess, 01:07:** sorry lele, I was sleeping

 **lele, 01:07:** yoU SLEPT?? THEAS AMAYIFNS!!

 **lele, 01:08:** *thats amazing,,,, sorry I'm tired

 **markleeiguess, 01:08:** that's okay. yeah, I slept for a few hours idek

 **markleeiguess, 01:08:** why did you want me to text you?

 **lele, 01:08:** I MISSED U BITCH :(

 **markleeiguess, 01:09:**.... the crowd boos

 **lele, 01:09:** *reveals hand before curtain* *people are screaming, crying, applauding, evERYONE LOVES ZHONG CHENLE*

 **markleeiguess, 01:10:** goodbye

 **lele, 01:10:** NO NO MARK DON'T LEAVE

 **lele, 01:10:** the reason I texted u is bc of the app i'm woRking for

 **markleeiguess, 01:10:**?? huh why

 **lele, 01:11:** well hahaaa

 **lele, 01:11:** i have exams soon so i'm free from working there,,,, and they need some extra help 

 **lele, 01:11:** I SuGGested u!! u r good at comforting and listening :D

 **markleeiguess, 01:15:**.. you want me to talk to people who aren't well?

 **markleeiguess, 01:15:** chenle, I can't do that.

 **markleeiguess, 01:16:** what if I fuck it up? what if I make them feel worse? I couldn't handle that..

 **lele, 01:16:** listen mark..

 **lele, 01:16:** first of all, u would only work for a few days so u would get max!! three people to talk to

 **lele, 01:16:** if the person u r talking to feels bad talking to u, they can skip u and find someone else

 **lele, 01:17:** aND whaT IF YOU MAKE SOMEONES DAY BETTER :D

 **markleeiguess, 01:18:**...is it such a good idea for me to help when I feel bad myself

 **lele, 01:18:** i think so!! i think u could understand them better than the most of us

 **lele, 01:20:** listen,,, we are all not professionals

 **lele, 01:20:** most of us are just doing that because we want to help people,, i mean we don't even get paid for it

 **lele, 01:32:** I'll give u the data to log in,, think about it markie

 

with that, I locked my phone, looking at the ceiling again.

A part of me wanted to give it a try, another just wanted to forget about it. I had my own problems to deal with and on top of that, I was insomniac. 

I made my way out of my room just to be greeted by Nano, my roommates (and therefore also kinda mine's) dog.

"why aren't you sleeping?" I pet her white fur, waiting for a few seconds as if I was expecting an answer, "yeah, can't sleep either."

 

* * *

 

 

_07:53pm, February 8th:_

I came home from work to catch my roommate leaving for work. He placed a short kiss on my cheek, like he always did, and threw a big smile at me before saying his usual "byebye". It was like a routine we went through every day. 

Jaemin and I have been knowing each other since kindergarten. We moved together a few years ago. While he was studying music, working part time as a pianist in a restaurant, I just attended literature classes from time to time, working full time as a cook in the same restaurant.

Sometimes we had shifts together. Those were the best days. I could listen to Jaemin play as I cooked meals. I loved that.

 

Living with Jaemin was good for me. It was better than being alone all the time. He was my best friend, so it made living together even more comfortable.

Jaemin gave me the space I needed but would also not hesitate to cuddle me if I hadn't slept in days. He took good care of me, cooking or getting my medicine for me if I was too weak. I felt ashamed though, since I was the older one and supposed to be the person, who took care of the other one. God, I felt like a burden to Jaemin but whenever I brought that up, he would immediately tell me otherwise.

I stared at my phone, thinking about it. I never did anything useful, I never did anything that actually paid my friends back, who helped me so much. Before my chest could start aching, I decided to open the app and log in.

At least I could try helping Chenle. This could be a start. I would become a better person to my friends.

 

* * *

 

 

_11:38pm, February 8th:_

 

 

I thought that app was broken. Or I logged in with the wrong data. 

Nothing happened. My phone didn't ring or send me a notification until it was late at night, while I was walking Nano.

 

 **Unknown, 23:38:** is this a new person? pls tell me it worked man..

 

I stopped walking and typed my answer with one hand, the other one staying warm in the pockets of my coat. My nervousness wasn't as bad as I thought as I sent the message. 

Nano stopped walking too, patiently waiting for me to carry on walking, looking at me with her big eyes. I nodded at her to show her that she can continue running around the field, I would call her back.

 

 **mark, 23:39:** hello, my name is mark

 **Unknown, 23:39:** is everyone this stupid

The person on the other side of the chatroom was quick to answer, as if they waited for me to answer. They seemed pissed.

 **mark, 23:40:** on this app or in life? frankly speaking, I don't know the answer to both. I'm new here..

 **Unknown, 23:40:** OH FUN

 **Unknown, 23:40:** mark, i hope you're not stupid

 **Unknown, 23:40:** because i'm stuck with you now until i fucking die

 

I stopped walking again, feeling my heart beat too fast. I called out for Nano to come back. I wanted to go home.

 

* * *

 

_00:03, February 9th:_

 

 **mark, 00:03:** hey sorry.. I was walking my dog

 **mark, 00:03:** why don't we start with you telling me why you want to die?

 

 _that was a good start_ , I thought, _I am doing well._

 

 **Unknown, 00:03:** thats fine with me lol

 **Unknown, 00:03:** wAIT YOU HAVE A DOG??

 **Unknown, 00:03:** WAIT WAIT MARK PLEASE SEND ME A PICTURE

 

"What's wrong?" I heard Jaemin's voice as he walked through the door, "you look so confused."

"Sorry." I smiled (it was a genuine one, I missed Jaemin), "Just chatting with someone who wants to see Nano."

"Oh? Mark Lee making friends?" Jaemin smiled back, petting his dog, "Send them a picture of my princess!"

I shrugged, taking a water bottle from the fridge and walking to the living room, "How was work?"

"It was alright." He said, throwing himself next to me on the couch, "Jeno is coming over tomorrow."

I nodded, half-heartily listening to what he was talking about. I was too focused on the person's reaction on the picture of Nano I had sent. They seemed so excited.

 

 **Unknown, 00:08:** I WANT TO PET NANO WOAH SHE LOOKS SO FLUFFY

 **mark, 00:08:** she's a good dog

 **mark, 00:08:** but is it normal that you're avoiding my questions?

 **mark, 00:08:** as I said, I'm a newbie, so..

 **Unknown, 00:09:** why answer things like this right away? It's more fun to get to know you first

 

I wasn't sure anymore but I didn't remember Chenle telling me that this would be my job. Being someone's friend, I mean.

 

 **Unknown, 00:11:** mark, see

 **Unknown, 00:11:** I am here for a good time, not a long one.

 **Unknown, 00:12:** please just be my friend for the next few days and I won't ever bother you again!

 **mark, 00:12:** hey, don't say that

 **mark, 00:12:** we can be friends, not only for a few days

 **Unknown, 00:12:**...

 **Unknown, 00:13:** my name is donghyuck.

 **Unknown, 00:13:** please call me hyuck tho

 **mark, 00:13:** that's a pretty name :)

 **hyuck, 00:13:** I kNoW tHaNks

 

* * *

_03:45, February 9th:_

 

Chenle hadn’t told me about the fact that the people I’d talk to would be able to call me either. And the surprise doubled itself as I saw “hyuck” calling even though he had mentioned that he would go sleep. that was hours ago.

 

“hello?”

 

I waited a few seconds, then checked if he’s still on the line. He was.

 

“hyuck?”

 

“that’s what you sound like?” his voice sounded broken but somehow still so warm.

 

“are you alright?”

 

_Silence._

 

“you’re not?”

 

_Silence._

 

“what’s wrong?” my voice softened automatically. Now that I had heard a voice, a voice that was actually part of another human who wasn’t doing well, I felt an ache flash through my heart.

 

“mark,” he whispered, sounding as if he was afraid to speak up, “i’m gonna die.” the ache got worse.

 

“no, no. donghyuck, your life can always change you can find happiness tru-“

 

“mark, I’m sick.” he stopped me, his voice stronger now but still tinted with sadness, “I mean.. as in.. my body is sick.”

 

“oh.”

 

“I.. you know. I installed the app a few weeks ago.. when I started feeling worse.” he took a deep breath, “I talked to a few people.. I didn’t.. I..”

 

 _Silence._ A few quiet sobs ringed through my ear. I didn’t know donghyuck, but the way he said my name, the way his voice sounded when he talked to me.. it sounded like we did know each other. it sounded like he did need me.

 

“hey, hey.. take a deep breath.”

 

“today, I went home.” he finally said, his voice cracking midway, “I was allowed to leave the hospital.. when I went through that door, instead of feeling happy, I just knew that it’s a sorrowful come back.. I was allowed to leave because they don’t even see hope in me getting better anymore. I’m going to die.” the hyuck I had talked to the past hours wasn’t the same as the one I heard now.

 

“are you scared?” that was the only thing that crossed my mind as I listened to him. I hated myself for asking such a stupid question.

 

he ignored it and instead kept crying. perhaps he hadn’t heard me. I felt so powerless. I thought by logging in and helping Chenle, I’d feel useful. but instead, I had to listen to a stranger crying, not being able to calm him down.

 

“do you want to hear a story?” goddamn it mark lee. what’s wrong with you?

 

the sobs stopped.

 

“what story?”

 

I took a deep breath. _don't make it worse, mark._

 _“_ when nano was little, my roommate and I decided to take her to the beach..”

 

* * *

 

_05:00am, February 9th:_

 

 **hyuck, 5:00:** thank you for talking.. your voice calmed me

 **hyuck, 5:00:** I ended the call when I heard your snoring

 **hyuck, 5:00:** you mentioned being insomniac.. it’s good for you to get some sleep.

 **hyuck, 5:01:** thank you for making me laugh

 **hyuck, 5:01:** sleep well mark

 

* * *

 

_9:07am, February 9th_

 

“I can’t believe I fell asleep..” I mumbled, reaching for my phone to check up on Donghyuck _._ The last thing I remembered was his small laugh as I told him the story of how Jeno dressed up as carrot for halloween.

 

_“Why are you.. a carrot?” Jaemin and I really had no clue and he went “You said I’m just like a carrot! Like.. so bright like a carrot.”_

 

_“What even..” Hyuck chuckled, “what kind of compliment is that?”_

 

_“It wasn’t one! Jaemin was like “you dumbass, I said carat, you’re like a carat, a diamond, you fool.” So yeah, we went to that halloween party and Jaemin still tells the story everyone.”_

 

_“Oh my god.” donghyuck tried to keep his laughter quiet, but it still sounded so loud to mark. Perhaps he was holding his microphone close to his mouth. Either way, mark was thankful. not only to the fact that the boy’s tears had dried, but also because he got to hear the younger laugh so prettily. mark swore he would do all he could to make hyuck laugh for the rest of his life._

 

The thought of the bright laugh Hyuck had shared with me, made me smile a little as I opened the chatroom.

 

 **mark, 09:09:** hey, sorry for falling asleep so early

 **mark, 09:09:** text me once you’re up?

 **mark, 09:09:** rest well sunshine :)

 

as soon as I hit sent, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Icalled him sunshine.. how did one delete a message?

 

* * *

_10:10am, February 9th:_

 

 ** _hyuck, 10:1_ 0: **I’m up, moonshine 🤩

 **mark, 10:10:** moonshine?

 **hyuck, 10:10:** you called me sunshine! since you don’t sleep well and you’re up during the night, I thought moon would fit you!

 **hyuck, 10:10:** so moonshine!

 

_fuck, that’s cute._

 

 **mark, 10:11:** I like that..

 **hyuck, 10:11:** KDKSKSK ME TOO

 **hyuck, 10:11:** for someone who’s insomniac

 **hyuck, 10:11:** YourE qUite sleepy 🤪😎

 **mark, 10:11:** I-

 **mark, 10:12:** I guess talking to you made me tired

 **hyuck, 10:12:** are u saying I’m boring 😔

 **mark, 10:12:** I’m saying you’re calming

 **mark, 10:12:** I guess you have an effect on me.

 **hyuck, 10:13:** n-not gonna lie but my heart skipped a beat mark-

 

I couldn’t help but smile into my pillow.

 _same donghyuck_ , I thought.

* * *

 

_11:05am, February 9th:_

 

“You should take care, Mark.” Jeno said, watching me as I cooked breakfast for us all, “I mean.. being his friend is nice and all.. but keep it professional. At the end of the day, he will be gone and you will be sad.”

The words Jeno said echoed through my head, causing me to get a headache. He was right. Why was it hurting then?

“Jen,” Jaemin warned, his boyfriend looking at him, “Let it be. I think that boy really needs a friend. Mark shouldn’t just play it.”

“But he will get hurt in the end and-“

“Guys, don’t argue.” I smiled, trying to calm them down, “I’ll be his friend and fine.”

Jaemin nodded, reaching out for Jeno’s hand.

“I think you got a message.”

I eyed my phone, hoping that it was a certain someone. Somehow it didn’t seem weird to me that I got excited talking to him even though it’s been less than a day.

 

 **hyuck, 11:11:** I have a wish for 11:11!

 **mark, 11:11:** go ahead, wish for it

 

donghyuck was the type of person who believed in myths like 11:11 wishes and it was adorable to me. how could someone be so pure?

 

 **hyuck, 11:12:** I want to see watch the stars with you

 **hyuck, 11:12:**.. fuck

 **hyuck, 11:12:** FUCK MARK ITS 11:12

 **hyuck, 11:12:** I FUCKED UP

 **mark, 11:12:** sunshine, calm down

 **mark, 11:12:** I’ll be your 11:11

 **mark, 11:15:** you live in seoul right?

 **mark, 11:27:** are you free tonight?

* * *

_11:12am, February 9th:_

 

 **markleeiguess, 11:12:** lele is it against any app rules to meet the person I text with

 **lele, 11:25:** uh

 **lele, 11:25:** no don’t think so LOL

 **lele, 11:26:** wait,,,, MARK ARE U MEETINF UP WITH DONGHYCUK

 

* * *

 

_5:45pm, February 9th:_

 

“What if he’s a serial killer?” Jaemin clung onto my arm, “Mark, don’t go.”

Jeno laughed.

“Finally get to die then!” I joked which made Jaemin cling even more onto me, “I’m just kidding Nana. I’ll be fine. He sure isn’t a serial killer.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I heard his voice. His voice doesn’t sound like a serial killer.”

“Mark Lee!” Jaemin whined. I pat the younger’s head and escaped his clutch, showing him a small smile.

“Don’t come home too late,” Jeno teased, “You gotta sleep around 8!”

“Thanks dad,” I turned to Jaemin, “goodbye mom.”

And with that, I left our apartment and went towards my car.

 

Donghyuck didn’t live too far from the hospital, I learned. I suggested for him to pick him up and drive a little from Seoul so we get to see stars better, since, you know, light pollution was a big thing.

He called me just to scream in my ear, thanking me so much. I heard him walk over to his mom and tell her that he’ll be gone tonight, and she just responded with a confused “uh.. okay, but as soon as you feel bad, return.”

Donghyuck kept asking for a picture of me, wanting to see my face. He even sent me one of himself (he was so gorgeous. God. His voice wasn’t even the only beautiful thing about him) to encourage me to do the same. I didn’t want to disappoint him since my looks weren’t too special, so I just said he should wait.

 

 **mark, 18:06:** I’m here

 **hyuck, 18:06:** IDKQKDJQKDKSJFNNQNXANCNANCNEIWJDJJS

 **hyuck, 18:06:** JJDKSMFKWMCNQNCK

 **hyuck, 18:06:** KFNWNFMQMCMIQEIIQXXJNADNJQDIIW

 **hyuck, 18:07:** I GET TO SEE THE MARK LEE

 **hyuck, 18:07:** WAIT IM SO NERVOUS

 **hyuck, 18:07:** wAIT ARE YOU FOR REAL

 **hyuck, 18:09:** OMG I SEE A CAR OMG IS THAT YOUR CAR

 **mark, 18:09:** yes hyuck hahahaha

 **mark, 18:09:** are you coming?

 **mark, 18:10:** I want to see you

 **hyuck, 18:10:** I ALMODT FELL DOWNSTAIRS MARK STOP DOING THIS WHILE I WALK

 **mark, 18:10:** Stop doing what?

 **hyuck, 18:11:** IM COMING WAIT FOR ME

 

I saw a small figure opening the door, waving to someone in the house as he slit into his shoes. my heart started racing.

he looked even prettier in real life.

 

he skipped to the car, like a little child, making it seem like he wasn’t even sick. and for a second, I forgot that he was.

 

he opened the door and froze as he looked at me.

“wait you’re so handsome?” hyuck said sounding surprised, eyeing me with his big eyes that shone towards me. I felt my face heating up but didn’t want to look away from him.

he was too pretty and we had no time.

“s-stop,” I said, “get in the car. it’s cold and we have to ride for a while.”

 

hyuck jumped into the car and put the seatbelt on, excitedly looking at me. “I can’t believe we’re doing this!”

“you’re so excited to see the stars?”

“I’m so excited to see them with _you_!”

 

* * *

 

_6:58pm, February 9th:_

 

this time, donghyuck was the one who talked and I was the one who listened.

he told me about how he was diagnosed with eleven years and that he spent most of the days in the hospital. at the beginning, his friends visited, told him nice stories and updated him on their daily life - that he now wasn't part of anymore. but over the years, they drifted apart and they stopped visiting him. hyuck just hung out with some children that were living on the same station on him. but there was a difference between them and him.

they got to leave eventually. hyuck didn’t.

so he spent seven years in the hospital, took online classes, was allowed to leave the hospital for a few hours on good days, had to be quarantined on bad days.

hearing the younger talk about his life hurt me. and the fact that he was so used to it that he didn’t even shed one tear hurt me even more.

 

“what about your family?”

“oh well,” he started, “I have three sisters and parents. All my siblings are younger though. The oldest is eight, she will remember me for sure.” He paused. Without saying more, I knew where he was going. He was playing with his fingers nervously, trying his best to fight the tears that were forming in his eyes.

 

I took one of his hands into my bigger, intertwining our fingers.

“Is that okay?” I asked, my voice crack revealing the nervousness I felt by touching him.

“Yeah.” I heard his voice soften, his thumb drawing circles on my skin.

 

* * *

 

_8:22pm, February 9th:_

 

“Why did you start working for the app?”

“My friend asked me to. He is busy with exams so he asked me to help because there’s people who need it.” I answered, looking at him. His eyes were focused on the night sky as if he was trying to absorb it fully.

“Ah..” he started, “why did he think you would be a good idea?”

“I’m offended?” He chuckled, making my heart flutter.

“I’m joking.”

“He thought that I would understand people who aren’t well.” His eyes were suddenly focusing on me.

“Why? What’s up with you?” I smiled.

 

“I don’t feel so well from time to time.” I admitted, “I don’t know either. I feel like a burden to everyone and.. I feel so useless? Like, I don’t really.. I don’t know how to explain. I don’t do good for anyone.”

He looked at me as if he was waiting for me to continue but I suddenly felt a cloud of darkness rising above my head. He was the one who was supposed to be cheered up, not me.

 

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh my god, Mark,” he said, “Don’t apologise.”

I felt so stupid. I whined about my stupid problems to someone who had no choice but to leave this world soon. And I was here whining to him? I wanted to leave. _He should have skipped me._

 

“Mark,” he said, moving closer to me and taking my hand in his, “Hey, Mark. Look at me.”

“What makes you think you’re a burden, Mark? Who said that to you? Are you telling yourself this?” He squeezed my hand, “Don’t do that, Mark. You feel like a no good and like a burden but that’s not true. I heard what you said about your friends, the way you talked about them.. you love them so much. And I know, I’m so sure, they love you just as much. How could they not? Mark, you’ve known me for a day, and you didn’t hesitate to take me stargazing. You weren’t pissed when I called you crying, you showed me nothing but love the past day. You’re such a good human being to someone you don’t know, I can only imagine how good you must be to people you love. Your heart is soft but it’s been hurt so much.”

Donghyuck wiped my tears with his free hand, making me realise that I was crying, “but you’re also hella naive. What if I was a serial killer?”

 

I smiled at this answer, thinking of Jaemin's words, making him smile back at me.

“You’re someone I love, Donghyuck.” His hand froze on my cheek, his smile grew wider.

“You’re someone I love too, Mark.”

 

* * *

 

_02:04am, February 10th:_

 

 **hyuckie, 02:04:** I just realised I still have your hoodie—

 **hyuckie, 02:04:** IM SO SO SORRY OMG SOFNWJFJ

 **hyuckie, 02:05:** aRE U COLD

 **hyuckie, 02:05:** IM SO SORRY MARK

 **mark, 02:06:** I knew, I left it with you purposely

 **hyuckie, 02:06:** 😳😳😳😳

 **hyuckie, 02:07:** The crowd awhs,,, my heart goes wooshhh

 **mark, 02:07:** HAHAH

 **mark, 02:07:** are you free later?

 **hyuckie, 02:08:** damn mark you can’t get enough of me huh? 😔✊🏻

 **mark, 02:09:** I really can’t ✊🏻😔

 **hyuckie, 02:09:** STFU MARK STFU

 **mark, 02:09:** HAHAHAHAH

 **hyuckie, 02:10:** suddenly I don’t have time tomorrow!

 **mark, 02:10:** I wanted to invite you over and make you see Nano but ok 🤷🏻♂️

 **hyuckie, 02:11:** sHUT UP AND TELL ME WHAT TIME

 

* * *

 

_01:37pm, February 10th:_

 

“Mark Lee, why is here a cute boy with my dog in the living room?” Jaemin's first sentence as he opened our apartments door made Donghyuck laugh.

“Is that Donghyuck?” Jeno asked, peeking from the door.

“Is that Jaemin and Jeno?” Hyuck asked back to me, who just came out of my room, “Or Chenle and Jisung? Or Renjun?”

“I’m Jeno!”

“Yeah, he is. I wish he was Jisung.” Jeno pinched Jaemins side, making him laugh, “I’m Jaemin.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Hyuck.”

Jaemin and Jeno joined Hyuck on the floor as he kept petting Nano.

 

I liked the view a lot. It looked like it was meant to be.

 

* * *

 

_02:43pm, February 10th:_

 

Donghyuck was cuddled up next to Jeno and me while we watched Jaemin play the piano. For some reason, they both felt comfortable around Donghyuck as if they’ve known him for years.

By then, I had guessed that Donghyuck just radiates that feeling because I felt the same.

 

His head was leaning against my shoulder, his hands were playing with my fingers under the blanket that Jeno had put on us.

 

“You’re so good, it’s amazing,” Donghyuck said once Jaemin stopped and turned around, “You’re so amazing!”

Jaemin laughed. “Do you want to learn it?”

“ _Woah_ , you can teach me?” Hyuck suddenly got up and accidentally pulled the blanket with him, exposing me to the cold.

“ _Duckie_ ,” I whined and he turned around and put the blanket on me. He smiled at the nickname I had given to him.

 

* * *

 

_05:12pm, February 10th:_

 

“Is he asleep?” Jaemin asked when he joined me in the kitchen.

I nodded, “he suddenly got tired.”

“He’s really adorable.” Jaemin said and Jeno seemed to agree, “And he did well learning.”

“He doesn’t even give off a sick vibe.” I started feeling sick whenever I remembered.

“I had the feeling too but sometimes he just looks so pale or real sleepy, like now. After a nap, he usually feels a little better.” I explained, pouring some water into the pot.

“You seem to know him so well already.”

“We have been talking nonstop the past two days.” I said, “I guess that’s how I learned more about him.”

Jeno sighed and I knew what he was going to say, so I just nodded, “I’m gonna be fine, Jeno.”

“I hope so, Mark.”

 

* * *

 

_06:00pm, February 10th:_

 

“hey hyuck, wake up.” I shook him a little. the younger whined, asking for five more minutes.

“your mother called ten minutes ago. she seems worried.”

“ _mhm_ ,” he answered, “five more minutes.”

“hyuck-“

“sigh.”

“did you say sigh out loud?” donghyuck sat up and looked at me with tired eyes, his hair messy. I felt the need to hug him but resisted.

“I can’t write it so I’m saying it.” He pouted, looking at my bed, “Your bed is comfy, I like it.”

“My bed feels honoured.”

“It should.” He grinned sleepily before stretching.

 

“Are you hungry?” I asked, “I cooked food. Let’s eat and I’ll drive you home then.”

“ _Oomfs_ , my boyfriend cooked dinner for me.” Hyuck joked around as he left the room, leaving me shocked in the room. My heart was having a race with my thoughts but my heart seemed to win.

 

I followed him to the kitchen only to see him sitting on the chair patiently, petting Nano. “She’s wet.”

“She went on a walk with Nana and Jeno.”

“Nana?”

“Jaemins nickname!” I explained, “his last name is Na.”

 

“Wait,” he paused, “Is Nano called Nano because of Nana and JeNO?”

I nodded at his realisation, seeing him squeeze Nanos fluffy head, “I can’t believe you’re their child!”

Nano just waggled her tail at Hyucks words, excited as always.

 

* * *

 

_01:23am, February 11_

 

I worked late and came home to Jeno and Jaemin sleeping on the couch, the tv still running, playing some old episodes of a drama. Quickly, I turned off the tv and put a blanket on top of them, greeting Nano silently.

Donghyuck hadn’t texted me, so I figured he was asleep. But as I laid down and waited for a message, I got nervous. Hours passed and it remained silent.

 

 **mark, 01:23:** I don’t want to be annoying but.. duckie, are.. you okay?

 **hyuckie, 01:24:** GOOD MORNING SOUTH KOREA

 **mark, 01:24:** OH THANK GOD.

 **mark, 01:24:** OH THANK GOD!

 **mark, 01:24:** you’re here.. oh thank god..

 **hyuckie, 01:25:** I’m always here mark

 **hyuckie, 01:25:** IN YOUR HEART 🤪🤙🏻

 

I shook my head, trying not to smile at his messages. He always managed to change the mood so fast.

 

 **mark, 01:26:** You are

 **hyuckie, 01:27:** can you shut the fuck up!!! I’m trying to make YOU FLUSTERED!!!

 **mark, 01:27:** I made you flustered? :D

 **hyuckie, 01:27:** leaving again!

 **mark, 01:28:** no, duckie don’t :(

**hyuckie, 01:28: ....**

**hyuckie, 01:28:** I like that. duckie, I mean.

 **mark, 01:29:** it sounds cute

 **mark, 01:30:** You’re cute!

 **hyuckie, 01:31:** sHUT UP

 **hyuckie, 01:31:** You’re making it so hard for me

 **mark, 01:32:** Making what hard?

 **hyuckie, 01:32:** 🤡🤡🤡

 

* * *

 

_04:33am, February 11:_

 

 **duckie, 04:33:** hey hey

 **duckie, 04:34:** markie

 **duckie, 04:34:** mark???

 **mark, 04:34:** I’m here I’m awake what’s wrong???

 **duckie, 04:35:** ,,,,, did I wake u up

 **mark, 04:35:** no no it’s fine

 **mark, 04:35:** what’s up? are you alright?

 **duckie, 04:36:** I’m here to ask for a favour

 **mark, 04:37:** sure

 **duckie, 04:37:** can we.. perhaps go to the beach?

 **duckie, 04:38:** you told me you went with nano.. I wanted to go. But mom can’t take me and.. I honestly would rather go with you anyway..

 **duckie, 04:43:**.. it’s okay if you can’t!! :D don’t worry!!

 **duckie, 04:46:** mark?

 **mark, 04:46:** IM SORRY IM AWAKE

 **mark, 04:46:** WE CAN GO. W E WILL GO. ARE YOU FREE TOMORROW

 **duckie, 04:47:** you’re so adorable, mark lee

 

* * *

 

_07:00am, February 11:_

 

I was running on three cups of coffee to be able to drive hours to the next beach. The first ten minutes, Donghyuck was talking and helping me stay awake too. After ten minutes passed, the air was only filled with his steady breathing and the Beatles. He fell asleep and only opened his eyes once to tell me that he was craving ice cream.

 

“We can get ice cream if you want.”

“I want to.”

“Alright.”

“Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re super cute.” He mumbled and closed his eyes again. I smiled at him.

 

Once we arrived the beach, I decided to give him five more minutes before even trying to wake him up.

“Duckie,” I said, taking his hand and drawing a shapes on it with my thumb, “We’re here.”

 

Even though the beach was small, it was still pretty and empty, since it was still winter. I wish I had been able to take him to a bigger and prettier one but I was scared, so I chose a closer one. There could be an emergency any time, I wanted to be able to return fast.

 

“mhm,” he opened his eyes and looked at me, “good morning.”

“good morning, sunshine.” He opened his eyes fully, putting his free hand on his cheeks.

“stop, I just woke up from my nap.” He giggled, getting out of the car.

 

* * *

 

_10:10am, February 11:_

 

“With a lot of imagination,” Hyuck said, moving his legs and arms, “I’m making a snow angel.”

I laughed watching him do a “snow angel” in the sand. “Looks like a masterpiece.”

“ _You’re_ a masterpiece.”

“Donghyuck, can you stop?” I laughed, making him wiggle his eyebrows.

“How come I am the confident one in real life?” He said, sitting up.

“Never said I am the confident one.” Donghyuck laid down again, rolling over to me.

 

“You’re full of sand now.” I commented and he gasped, “no way.”

I rolled my eyes.

“If I lay on you, we could be a sandwich.” He laughed but I was too busy trying not to get shy to laugh.

 

* * *

 

_11:24am, February 11:_

 

“ _Oomfs_ , got my boyfriend ice cream.” I imitated him, handing Donghyuck his.

His eyes got big at my words, almost dropping the ice cream. “Mark, didn’t I say you should stop making it hard for me?”

“You still didn’t tell me what I’m making hard for you,” I said, teasingly poking out my tongue.

“Making it hard for me not to like you.” He said, this time almost making me drop my ice cream.

 

“Why don’t you?” I knew why, deep down. But my heart was taking actions before my head was able to stop me.

_Silence._

 

“Would that be fair?” Hyuck said, looking at me with sad eyes.

“It wouldn’t.” I admitted, “But that doesn’t make it bad.”

 

* * *

 

_01:58pm, February 11:_

 

While he was running around, I took a lot of pictures of him. Sometimes he would stop and pose, even showing his “cuteness” to the camera.

 

“okay okay, now you!” He stopped, breathless, reaching out for my phone, “Pose, Mark!”

“I’m not photogenic.” I pouted and he rolled his eyes.

“Let’s take pictures together then.” He said, coming closer.

 

_One, with both of us doing a piece sign._

_One, with both of us opening our mouth._

_One, with both of us laughing because of the picture we took before that._

_One, with him pinching my cheek._

_One, with him pouting while I laugh at him._

_And another one, with him kissing my cheek and me getting surprised._

 

The very last one became my lock screen ever since.

 

* * *

 

04:02pm, February 11:

 

We both took a small nap in my car. He had his head was resting on my lap, his legs hanging off the backseats. Originally, I didn’t even mean to sleep but just to protect him from all the evil in this world while he was taking his nap. 

 

but eventually, I woke up to a warm feeling on my hand.

 

“I couldn’t refrain from kissing your hand, I’m sorry.” A _pretty-awake-donghyuck_ said once I opened my eyes. Without thinking much about the whole situation, I uncomfortably leaned down and let our lips meet. Donghyuck returned the kiss, making me feel a thousand explosions inside. I felt his soft lips form a smile against mine.

 

* * *

 

_5:13pm, February 11:_

 

I had promised Donghyuck to stay until the sunrise, he really wanted to see it. He was getting cold, so I got out another blanket and we sat down at the empty beach and watched as the sun went down.

He crawled in front of me, taking my arms and pulling them around his waist. I put my head on his shoulder and watched the suns reflections on the ocean.

It looked like a perfect painting. Blue was mixing with yellow and red and purple. The so-cold atmosphere was suddenly a warm one, even though it still was around four degrees.

 

“That’s you.” I whispered but I knew Hyuck heard me.

“What is?”

“The sun.” I explained, “You know, ever since I met you a few days ago, I’ve slept every night. I was calm enough to sleep at night, I was energised enough to wake up every day because I knew I was going to talk to you. I was working faster and harder so I got to go home earlier and talk to you. Even though it’s been a few days, you somehow messed my so crumbled life up. But it’s a good mess. It’s such a good mess, duckie, and I am so happy that this mess was created.”

 

I felt his hands hold my arms tighter.

 

“I’m so glad. Every second I spent with you, and will spend with you, is like a gift to me. You make me feel so warm inside. You make me feel so warm right now even though it’s freezing.” I continued, “You were so surprised that I was open to drive you to see the stars or drive you to see the beach, but Donghyuck, I would do anything to make you cry less and smile more. I’d do anything to see this precious smile of yours, to see you jump around when you’re excited, to feel you cling onto my arm or cuddle up against me. Is it weird to feel this way after a few days? Perhaps it is. But I don’t regret it. Maybe it’s unfair, it sure is, but I don’t regret it. You’re not someone I love. You’re all I love.”

 

I felt his breath get unsteady and felt tear drops on my cold skin. I turned him around and hugged him tightly, hoping to fix the parts that were broken inside of him.

But I knew that there was something I couldn’t fix.

I was just ignoring it.

Facing it now wasn’t my job.

 

“I can’t believe I missed the sunset because of you, Mark Lee.” He sobs in my chest. I smiled, just patting his hair.

“Let’s watch the sunset tomorrow in Seoul together.” I whispered, “let’s always watch it.”

Hyuck nodded against my chest. _He felt like home._

 

* * *

 

_5pm, February 12:_

 

This time, I went to visit Hyuck. I ate with his family, played with his sisters, got to talk to his mom for a while. Donghyuck laughed a lot, especially when I agreed to let his sisters put make up on me.

“You look amazing.” He said, “beautiful.”

“I always do.” I said sarcastically, making his grin wider.

“You do.” He said and pressed a peck on my cheek.

 

We were laying in his bed, I was hugging him. The background was filled with slow songs of Elvis and Michael Jackson.

 

“Mark?”

“Yeah, Duckie?”

“Know, I love you.”

He faced me and I pressed a soft kiss on his forehead, “I love you too.”

 

 

The sun went down earlier today. We both passed out pretty much after watching the night take over the short day we had lived through.

It was the last day he had lived through.

I woke up at seven am on February 13. It was the first time in months I had slept properly, not waking up a single time.

 

 

* * *

 

_March 3._

 

“Mark.” Jaemin looked at me, “Baby, I know, you just want to sleep, but please eat something too.”

 

I nodded, pressing my eyes shut. Jaemin pat my head and left the apartment to walk Nano and pick Jeno up from work. None of us two had worked the past days. Jaemin wanted to be there for me.

It took me five days to stop crying, six days to start speaking, and eight days to open my eyes and get out of my bed. Perhaps, I was trying to make myself believe that all of this has been a dream by just leaving my eyes closed.

 

It has been eight days since his funeral, making it eight days since I got out of my bed and looked outside. It was still day.

 

The past days, I had slept more than I ever had before meeting Donghyuck. Jeno and Jaemin came by hourly, checking up on me, making sure I’m hydrated. Chenle, Jisung and Renjun had stopped by twice. On the second day after the funeral, Chenle came into my room, knowing that e had to be the stronger one. He broke down and apologised so many times, hugging me as we both cried.

I didn’t get why he was apologising.

I wasn’t sorry for meeting Donghyuck. I wasn’t sorry for falling for him. I wasn’t sorry for making him laugh. I wasn’t sorry for making the very last days of him mine too.

_I was sorry that I came so late._

 

I walked through the apartment to get a glass of water only to see the letter Donghyucks sister had given me on the funeral. She said they found it while cleaning his room and it was addressed to me.

I wasn’t ready to open it, yet I reached for it and took it out of the envelope.

 

 

_“February 11._

 

_My dear Mark,_

 

_What’s up? 😎🤙🏻 (please appreciate those smileys, it took me ten minutes to draw them >:( )_

 

_I’m writing this now because I fear tomorrow. I don’t fear tomorrow because it’s tomorrow. I fear it because it could be a day I don’t wake up._

_And I want to make sure to write all the words down I have for you. I want to.. make up for the things we won't be able to say anymore._

 

_Mark, when I was younger, I wanted to be an astronaut. Did I tell you? I don’t think I did. I wanted to become one to see the stars better, to see the universe better. Perhaps I would even discover cool things and the world would love me and celebrate me for being THE LEE DONGHYUCK!_

_As I grew up and got diagnosed, I realised I had no chance to become one._

_I didn’t even have a chance to live up to twenty years._

 

_When my doctor told me, after so many years of treating me with different therapies, meds, techniques, that I should go home, I knew that I was done for._

_I texted with a dumbass on that stupid ass app (pls don’t show this letter to my mom;; she would scold me for swearing hahahah) and he made me mad. So I skipped and eventually ended up with another idiot, you._

_But you were the kind of idiot that I needed._

 

_Mark, as I spent the days with you, comforted you (and you comforted me), listened to you, laughed with you, walked Nano with you, watched you cook, cuddled with you, kissed you, told you I liked you (I love you, my dear), squished your cheeks, won Rock Paper Scissors against you, ate ice cream with you, went star gazing with you, went to the beach with you, took pictures with you.._

 

_After all the things we’ve done, I realised that I was okay with not being an astronaut. I was okay because I found the universe inside you._

_You were prettier and brighter and more interesting than anything else I could have seen up there._

 

_I am not sure when you’re gonna read this.. but If I’m no longer, please remember my words. Remember me and my words._

_Remember that you are worth more than you could ever imagine. You were not only my moon but my whole universe, Mark Lee. Don’t ever let your mind get through that. You are so precious._

_Please live well. Please take care. Tell Nano I love her. And thank Jeno and Jaemin for being so nice to me._

 

_We will meet when the sun sets. In that short period of time, when the sky is tinted, wandering between night and day, we will get to see each other and stay._

 

_I love you._

 

_yours,_

 

_duckie._

 

_(ps: it’s not unfair!!! I’ll love you forever you dumbass!)”_

 


End file.
